Why I Love the Word ‘And’
Photo by Mark Wieder on Unsplash
If someone were to ask me what my favourite word in the English language (or any language really) is, my current top candidate would be the word ‘and’. It’s monosyllabic. It’s easy to spell. It’s extremely useful in communication. And . . . it’s a cure for much of what’s wrong with our modern society.
I probably don’t need to explain what it means. For what it’s worth, the Oxford English Dictionary defines ‘and’ as a conjunction that is “simply connective.” It also notes that the word is a holdover from Old English (pre-1150) from the same proto-Germanic source as the German word und, the Dutch en, and the Yiddish aun.
Phonetically, in North American English it’s either pronounced /æn(d)/ or /(ə)n(d)/, the latter leading to the shorthand ‘n’ as in ‘rock ‘n’ roll’, ‘fish ‘n’ chips’, and ‘Guns n’ Roses’. (The band, for some strange reason, always spells its name with a single apostrophe after the ‘n’ as opposed to two apostrophes, which it really should have.) It can also be substituted for an ampersand (&), a symbol that dates back to the first century CE as a Roman shorthand cursive symbol for the Latin word et.
Why make a fuss over such a seemingly mundane word? Because we live in a world riven by binary, black-and-white thinking and discourse, and the word ‘and’ allows us to break through this by acknowledging that sometimes two seemingly polar opposite characterizations of something can be simultaneously true and valid.
The Many Ands of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a type of psychotherapy aimed at helping people increase their emotional and cognitive regulation by recognizing the triggers that lead to reactive states and identifying which coping skills to apply to help avoid undesired reactions. It is based on traditional cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) while incorporating elements of acceptance and mindfulness.
What makes DBT ‘dialectical’ is its simultaneous emphasis on ‘radical acceptance’ and strategies for change. Anyone who has ever suffered from depression or related mental health ailments is familiar with the black and white thinking that comes with this, i.e. “Everything about my life sucks; there’s no hope for me!” DBT challenges you to interrogate your assumptions and see multiple sides to a situation, i.e. “I’m depressed right now and that sucks AND there are things about my life that are OK.”
Observe the heavy lifting that the word ‘and’ is doing in this sentence. It enables a person to acknowledge multiple, simultaneous truths, one of which is a radical acceptance statement while another is a just-as-true statement that takes the focus away from the truth being radically accepted. It sounds simple, but it’s a lot easier said than done, let alone believed, and is further facilitated by a host of mindfulness techniques and other strategies aimed at broadening a person’s perspective.
Here are some examples of radical acceptance statements coupled with contrast statements:
“I’m unemployed right now AND I have the opportunity to find something new and better this time around.”
“I’m 50 pounds overweight at the moment AND I can go get myself a food scale, practice portion control, get myself to the gym, and create a new me.”
“I’m single and I don’t have any friends AND I can create a whole new social scene that suits me better than ever before.”
When I think about these statements, I’m reminded of former Navy SEAL commander-turned-motivational author and podcaster Jocko Willink and his famous repurposing of the word ‘good’. In his Discipline Equals Freedom Field Manual, he challenges his reader to reframe seemingly negative situations in a manner very similar to DBT. For example:
“I just lost my job. GOOD. That means I have the chance to hunt for something better while also challenging me to get better at budgeting.”
“I didn’t get the promotion I wanted. GOOD. That means I get to gain further mastery in the position I’m and get better.”
“I sprained my ankle and can’t run for a while. GOOD. That means I can focus on upper body exercises and get stronger overall.”
And so on and so forth. Whether you’re using the word ‘and’ or using the word ‘good’ (If you’re seriously depressed, ‘good’ might be a bit of a stretch.), practicing this type of dialectical thinking can be a remedy for much emotional distress.
‘And’ as a Cure for Polarization
It goes without saying that we live in an era of extreme social and political polarization with very little middle ground on issues. I mostly avoid social media these days because I find it completely soul-destroying. Even LinkedIn, which used to be a benign platform where people shared career advice and exciting news from their professional lives, is now a cesspool of ideological factionalism. (See my April 9 post on LinkedIn toxicity.)
Recent global events seem to have exacerbated the situation. There was COVID. Then there was the Russian invasion of Ukraine. And then there was Hamas’ brutal attack on Israeli civilians and Israel’s subsequent military campaign in Gaza. I could add the advent of modern AI to the list of issues where people seem to coalesce on one extreme or another. There’s the phenomenon of so-called ‘wokeism’ and the attendant ‘anti-wokeism’, which has been a perfect distillation of Newtonian law.
It’s as though the world has forgotten the word ‘and’. Here too, it’s a cure for much acrimony and a gateway to making logical sense.
Here are some examples of ‘and’ statements that might help cut across ideological divides:
“Yes, COVID was a serious health crisis that was poorly understood at its outset AND school closures were probably counterproductive for kids.”
“Yes, Russia’s invasion of and continued war against Ukraine is a crime against humanity AND individual Russians are not to blame for their government’s actions.” (I include this one because I have Russian friends who are very dear to me who have complained that their social circles have shrunk since 2022, with people not wanting to associate with them.)
“Yes, Israel is a settler colonialist creation that involved the expulsion of thousands of innocent Palestinians AND this is not the fault of individual modern Israelis and there is no justification whatsoever for Hamas’ attacks on innocent civilians.”
“Yes, ‘wokeness’ began as a genuine call for social justice AND its current form threatens to undermine freedom of speech and foster the kind of hatred and toxicity it purports to oppose.”
“Yes, AI has the potential to advance society in previously unimaginable ways AND there are serious conversations to be had about its safety and what (if any) limitations should be put on its growth, if that’s even possible.”
Now, to those of you feeling triggered by any of these statements, before you write to me decrying whatever it is you take issue with, I challenge you to turn whatever knee-jerk assumption that comes to your mind into an ‘and’ statement.
We live in a messy, complicated world that defies easy generalizations, but we’re generally terrible at wrapping our minds around multiple viewpoints on a single issue. We’re a tribal species and social media has exacerbated this nature of ours. That’s why I think the whole world needs DBT therapy. Mental health conditions aside, we all tend towards black and white thinking, and this is especially true nowadays. I personally think we could all benefit from practicing dialectical thinking.
That’s why I believe we all need to fall in love with the word ‘and’. It’s a simple but powerful word that opens doors to endless possibilities. In fact, I’d love to see the word on banners at protests as an acknowledgement that there is always more than one valid viewpoint on a situation.
By the way, the Arabic word for ‘and’ is represented by the letter ‘waw’ (ﻭ) and pronounced simply ‘w’. I would love to see this symbol become an emblem of a pro-peace movement, an acknowledgement of the messy, historically complex reality of the modern Middle East. The ampersand would also work as a symbol, just as the pro-war camp in Russia appropriated the letter ‘Z’ as their emblem. We can do this. AND I think we have to if we’re to survive as a species.
